‘I want a freakshow’

A corporate e-mail I just received notes that traffic volume in the area might be unusually high tomorrow morning. Why? Local auditions for American Idol will be held starting at 10 a.m. at the Round House Theatre here in Bethesda, Md. This theater happens to be right across the street from my office—in fact, just now I got up and looked out the window to see if the marquee spells “Round House” as one word or two (It’s two.)—so I’ll have a perfect view, within heckling distance, even, of all the crazed wannabes.

If you really want all the details, check out the press release from radio sponsor Hot 99.5. I use the phrase “press release” lightly, because well, it’s not exactly Reuters style or anything. I quote: “Can you say OHMYGOD!?! THIS IS SO HUGE!!!!!” (Emphasis is all theirs.)

Just as entertaining is the Post’s take on it (“Breathlessly, TV’s ‘Idol’ Seeks Singers”). An excerpt:

“Can you say OHMYGOD!?! THIS IS SO HUGE!!!!!” reads the Web site for the radio station HOT 99.5, a statement so essential to the American Idol marketing message that it employs 21 percent of the memo’s 33 exclamation marks.

And the specifics of the audition for the nationally televised talent show on the Fox network—as in, the line forms at 5 a.m., and “ANY persons present prior to 5 a.m. will be automatically excluded from participating… NO EXCEPTIONS”—are spelled out in such serious teen talk that even bad news is conveyed with a typographic pat on the back.

“The first 99 eligible contestants will be registered and guaranteed an audition!!! Up to 100 additional eligible contestants will be registered, but are NOT guaranteed an audition at this event. :-( ”

Bring it on. (Tina writes in, “My ears are starting to hurt already.”)

[Update (13:53): Tina and I just got back from the Starbucks downstairs—despite already having had my usual morning frap, I decided to try a tall Columbia, a very strong brew which I’d describe as having undertones of berry flavors. Mmm. Where was I? Oh, yes—as we eyed the theater across the street, Tina observed: “There’d better be lines tomorrow. I want a freakshow.” Indeed.]