Dad
After several weeks of fatigue and difficulty breathing, including a week in the hospital, my father was diagnosed yesterday with an advanced stage of lung cancer, and we were told that he has a very short time to live. I was in disbelief for a minute, because everything was so sudden, and then it sunk in: he is dying. My dad, so brave and calm, began to tell my mom and me that he hoped we were happy in life, that he tried to give me everything, that he tried to be a good father, and so forth. It was heart-breaking. Later in the day, as his breathing started to deteriorate, he was put on a ventilator, and still his condition is slowly getting worse. We’ve had several talks with the doctors and among ourselves, and today, given the impossibility of recovery, we made the difficult decision to take him off the machine tomorrow. His life will end in the same hospital where mine began twenty-nine years ago.
I’m writing this now, during a quiet moment at home, while I’m relatively composed, because I’m sure the next few days will be, well, I can only imagine. I’ve already broken down and cried several times, but from his hospital bed my dad seems to be the calm eye of the storm. His mind is still quite aware, so although he can’t talk, he nods and shakes his head or waves his hands when we talk to him.
If you believe that things happen for a reason (I don’t know if I do), you could say that there’s something in the timing of Thom’s and my move to California, that he held on until I came back home. My mom has asked why, at the age of 59, does my dad have to die. There may not be an answer. All I can say is that it’s his time.
[Addendum (July 10): My dad died peacefully on July 6. Thom has written a detailed and heartfelt post on his blog about my dad’s last days.]
oh, kuya jeff… :(
the universe also nudged my dad last month to book his trip to california this weekend. warm hug.
You and your family are in my prayers.
{{{hug}}}
Jeff, so sorry to hear about your Dad… but good that you are able to be with him and your family. The “cosmos” definitely work in mysterious ways. You are in our thoughts.
Jeff, it is different how the universe works. I am glad you will be with your dad during his final time in this world, prior to passing on to the next. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.
Jeff, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through and I wish you and your family my deepest condolences.
I’m so sorry, Jeff. You and your family will be in my thoughts and I wish you all the best.
I’m so, so sorry about your dad. Believe me, I know something of what you’re going through after my own experience this year.
I will hold you and your family in my thoughts.
what a blessing that you can be there to spend time with him when he needs you the most.
my thoughts are with you and your family.
You don’t know me except for a couple brief exchanges we’ve had, but I’ve enjoyed following your take on life and am sorry it’s been interrupted by this sad turn of events — or rather, this is part of it all, unfortunately. Take care of yourself.
Though we haven’t yet met (I work with Thom), my deepest sympathies for your loss.
I’m so sorry about your dad! I’m sure its been a comfort to him to have his family near.
TK.
I’m a lurker but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear about your dad.
Things do happen for a reason; I think that if I couldn’t believe that, I’d have gone crazy a long time ago.
I just hope that one day, we’ll all learn what those reasons really are.
Take care and be strong.
I’m sorry to hear of your father’s passing. You, Thom, and your family will be in my prayers.
Thanks for being a friend. May peace be with you, Thom and your family.
My thoughts are with you.
Jeff,
I’m so sorry about your dad. That must be unbelievably difficult. I hope you and your mom are managing ok. We’ll keep you in our thoughts.
Big hug,
Kelly Y.
Oh, Jeff, I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner. I’m so sorry for your loss! *hug*
I lost my Dad to the very same disease. If nothing else, take comfort in your Dad not having had a long battle with this horrible disease. The loss is terrible, but it’s also terrible to see a loved one suffer.
No words can make this better, but I do hope time will let you remember good memories and get past the pain.
I had lost track since you left DC and just came back to find this. I am so very sorry. 29 is too young to lose a parent - though I suppose it is hard no matter what. My thoughts are you with you, your mother and all those who knew and loved your father.
so sorry about your dad’s loss. a friend from arlington, virginia, doug
Oh. Jeff. I’m sorry to read this sad news. My deepest condolences to you and your family on the loss of your dear Dad.
*hugs*
Here are some songs for you which I can only hope dispel some of your grief and maybe induce some dear memories…
Dad’s Yard
I Brought My Father With Me
love,
- tomg